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Parenting: 10 Things you Should Never Say to your Child

Children get more impressionable and receptive as they get older. It’s vital to always be mindful of what we say to our children to guarantee that they are never hurt by our words because what we expose them to is most likely what they will carry with them for a while or possibly for the rest of their lives.

The way we talk to our kids affects how they view the world and themselves. So it seems logical that we should speak to children in a healthy way to encourage their development and to help them feel loved and supported.

Even while some of the phrases you use frequently may appear harmless, they can teach your children to have a victim mentality or to think they can’t succeed.

Here are ten things you should never say to your child.

1. 鈥淲e鈥檒l never afford that鈥�

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Don’t insist that you will never be able to have anything you truly want just because it is out of your price range. Show your children that you have control over your finances instead. Show your children that you are in charge of your finances instead.

You may say something like:

“My dream is to one day purchase us a big house. However, as we now lack the funds, I’m planning to enrol in some online courses so I can improve my job skills and qualify for a raise.

If your child is genuinely interested in visiting a certain destination, you may also say:

“We can’t afford the tickets since it’s not in our budget this year.” Then, take into account providing them with an allowance jar so they may begin saving money for a trip to a theme park.

When you teach your children to sound money management techniques, they’ll grow to understand that they can simply reorder their priorities if they want something they can’t afford now.

2. 鈥淵ou make me so mad鈥�

As parents, we must maintain our composure and fight the impulse to place the blame for our feelings on our children or anybody else.

You may say something like:

“I don’t like it when you do that,” and then explain why, as opposed to reacting in fury. It’s critical that children comprehend the impact of their actions on others. As a result, they will be inspired to consider other people’s sentiments in addition to their own.

Additionally, by maintaining your composure, you are showing your child that it is our responsibility to manage our emotions in a healthy manner and that we all have the capacity to control them. After all, you wouldn’t want kids to develop the belief that it is OK to place the responsibility for one’s feelings on others.

Of course, since we are all human, there may be occasions when we find it difficult to maintain composure. If this occurs and you say anything you later regret, begin by apologising: “I’m sorry for losing my cool. I’ll take a moment to collect myself the next time.

3. 鈥淚 hate my job鈥�

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Imagine that you had a stressful day at work and that all you want to do is go home and complain to your spouse. Keep in mind that kids do pick up on this messaging, despite the fact that you weren’t even talking to them directly. In reality, have shown that our outlook on life has a significant impact on how successful our children are, particularly in terms of academic achievement.

Furthermore, whining about your job in front of your children teaches them that work isn’t enjoyable. As a result, individuals may develop the idea that being an adult involves suffering through half of their waking hours.

What would be a better course of action? Make it apparent that you have career options, and discuss the steps you’re taking to improve your working environment.

4. 鈥淚 have to go to the store鈥�

Whether you’re running errands or heading to Grandma’s for dinner, whenever you mention that you have to do something, you’re implying that you’re being forced to do something you don’t want to do. Show your children that you are in charge of your own time instead of deciding what you will do when you will do it, and how you will do it.

Children that go on to succeed realise that life is all about the decisions they make. By using phrases like “I don’t feel like going grocery shopping today, but I want to make sure we have food in the fridge for the week,” or “I’m sleepy, but we promised Grandma we’d go to her house and I want to honour my commitments”.

There will always be something they have to do that they don’t want to do but really should, like eat their vegetables or go to bed at a decent hour. Explaining the rationale behind the request is beneficial in these circumstances. Kids will perform better on tasks when they recognise their importance.

5. 鈥淓verything will be okay鈥�

Convincing your child that everything will come out okay won’t help them prepare for the future if they weren’t chosen as the starting player for their sports team. Teach them that they are resilient enough to manage life’s unavoidable curveballs rather than assuring them that there is always a happy ending.

It’s possible that all your child needs is more practice. If that’s the case, hug them and

Express your compassion by saying:

“I know you really wanted to get picked today, but there will be many more possibilities.”

Once they feel ready, please encourage them to practise more and try again. Your kids will be better prepared to deal with situations that don’t go as planned in the future if you coach and mentor them through difficult moments.

6. 鈥淪top crying, you鈥檒l be fine鈥�

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Children feel wronged for expressing emotion when adults tell them to stop sobbing. Despite how annoying it may be for parents, criticising your child for engaging in a behaviour that comes naturally to kids is ineffective. In essence, you are dismissing their sentiments.

This can be very challenging to do especially if you grew up in a household where you were told that expressing your feelings made you look weak. Telling boys that they shouldn’t cry like girls or that they should man up is another way of building toxic masculinity, encourage your children both boys and girls to communicate their feelings openly and allow them to feel.

Say something like:  “What鈥檚 the matter? Why are you crying?” 鈥� be careful to not sound condescending or mean when you say it

 7. 鈥淵ou did well but you could do better鈥�

To begin with, it’s best to avoid compliments that are followed by “but,” as it dilutes their intended meaning. The best method to encourage kids to perform well all the time is to celebrate minor triumphs. Using the word “but” will give them the impression that they haven’t really done enough to earn your pride, which will almost likely cause more harm than good.

Children need to know that you’re proud of them but at the same time that you believe in their full potential, however making them feel like they’re not good enough especially when it comes to grades can be demotivating, remember that kids should not work to only make you proud but most importantly to make themselves proud. Help your child set their own target that they are responsible for after they’ve done that remember that your role as a parent is to support their vision and once they attain it even if it’s not exactly what they hoped for, always celebrate.

You can say something like:

“You did well and I am proud of you. I bet you鈥檙e going to keep getting better and better!”

8. 鈥淒on鈥檛 eat that or else you鈥檙e going to get fat鈥�

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This is a big no-no. It educates kids to be too self-conscious about their bodies and makes them wonder why their friends eat certain things. Making this impression at such a young age is harmful since body image is a very delicate and personal subject.

You can try saying:

“I don鈥檛 think it would be a good idea to eat that because it鈥檚 not very good for your health.”

9.鈥淚t鈥檚 not that big of a deal” or “Stop being such a baby鈥�

When a child is upset, this is one of the worst things you could possibly say to them. They become reluctant to be completely honest with you since it invalidates their sentiments. The phrase “it’s not that big of a deal” will cause children to second-guess themselves because they should feel comfortable expressing their emotions.

Instead, try saying:

鈥淭ell me how you feel and why you鈥檙e feeling this way.鈥�

By saying this, you can better understand your child and reassure them that you’re available if they need to chat.

10. 鈥淏ig girls/boys don鈥檛 do that鈥�

“Big girls/boys don’t cry” is a very typical example of this, frequently followed by “crying is reserved for babies.” Children should be allowed to be children, whether they are sobbing or doing anything else. Never use their age as a justification if there is something you don’t like about them.

Instead, try saying:

鈥淚 don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 a good idea to do (whatever it is they’ve done) because (and the reason).

Remember the tongue is powerful and that is what your kids need to understand. Modelling the best behaviour for our children is the hardest job we are tasked with as parents but also the most rewarding, seeing your kids extend the same kindness that you’ve given them to other people is the best feeling in the world.

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